Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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