why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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