I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
