Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
