She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
