I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
