this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The ass gains better be worth it
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