im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
