You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
