that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
