some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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