he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
