So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
even my farts smell like vagina
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
