yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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