then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
