This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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