You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
