I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize