wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
