My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
