Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
