"it" just moved
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize