if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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