What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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