So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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