think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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