after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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