Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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