I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
