you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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