Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
