6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
