Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
