Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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