you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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