Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
