operation harelip BJ is a go
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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