so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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