you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
