Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
