Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Buhtt sex?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
