Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
