dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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