He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
