haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
