A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
