The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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