I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
