Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
