So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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