Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
