i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
