I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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