I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
