DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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