I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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