Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
