why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
