I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
