You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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