420 ftw
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
