i don't like sucking hair
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize