i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
