dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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