you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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