I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He told me they were just razor bumps!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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