Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
