Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
