i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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