Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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