This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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