Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
