My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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