the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
