why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
