Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
