I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
