I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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