you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
