I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
