someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize