so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
