I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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