come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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