I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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