i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
