YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So vagazzling was a success
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
