My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she smelled like a LAN party
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
