he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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